Densa – Mensa’s Biggest Rival

As head of Densa, the club for those too stupid to get into Mensa, I was recently invited to address Mensa on the occasion of its annual dinner.

Mensa is the international society for the very bright – for those whose IQs are in the top 2 percent of humanity’s.

After my address and after the applause and cheering had died down to acceptable levels, a Mensan asked me, “Why is Densa so much more popular than Mensa?”

Densa is the club I founded through my column, Stoep Talk, in 1994.

I explained that Densa must always be biggeer than Mensa because there is a limit to intelligence but absolutely no limit to stupidity. Densa’s potential membership is enormous.

Mensa has for years stretched out the hand of friendship to Densa but many of us are uneasy about it. We fear that Mensans might be trying to take over Densa to steal our comics and possibly our women.

Judging by the mail I am receiving there are a few readers who are still confused about Densa and Mensa, so I thought I’d answer some “faqs” (frequently asked questions) such as this one.

Esteemed Sir…

Does Mensa really exist?

Yes, indeedly, Mensa certainly does exist. You can try their website, http://www.mensa.org.za/.

Mensa has chapters throughout the world. The idea is for bright people to be able get together and talk grown-up stuff. If you want to join you have to pass an intelligence test.

Where’s the gents?

Down there to the right.

How does Densa come into the picture?

We represent the reality for which, if the truth be told, all Mensans are seeking.

What is an IQ and have I got one?

IQ stands for “intelligence quotient”. If you read this column regularly then it is unlikely you have a measurable IQ – but be happy.

What is intelligence quotient?

Next question please? Yes, you at the back with the little propeller on top of your cap.

Is Densa Big like my sister Herbert-Anne?

Oh yes. Not that we have thousands of signed-up members – nevertheless MILLIONS are eligible. If each of them sent us $1 we would be rich enough to buy the USA and have enough left over for a tankful of petrol.

Who is head of Densa?

Although, as many know, titles mean little to me I must admit, with my usual modesty which is legendry, that I am its P*R*E*S*I*D*E*N*T F*O*R L*I*F*E.

What are Densa’s objectives?

What? What?

What are your plans?

Ah. Plans. Yes. Densa is organising a national congress for failures. We have been organising this since 1994 without great success, which is quite normal for Densa and nothing to be ashamed of. Anyway, why should we be ashamed? What are you insinuating? Why all these questions?

What do I get if I sign up?

You get certified. The certificate entitles you to place the initials O.M.D; N.U.T.S. after your name. (Note: AFTER your name, not BEFORE, because if you look carefully you already have initials in front of your name.) O.M.D. stands of Honorary Member of Densa and N.U.T.S. stands for “not understanding the system”.

Thank you Mr President.

Don’t mention it. Please call again and mind the step.

Oops.

(Densa: email <jcl@onwe.co.za>)