Flying and the Art of Staying Up

I have always enjoyed history.
If you think history lacks humour then you haven’t heard of “feel-good history”. Feel-good history is a branch of history where the authors set out to make people feel good about their past. I was taught it at school in Britain during and after World War 2.
We were told that the [...]

Densa – Mensa’s Biggest Rival

As head of Densa, the club for those too stupid to get into Mensa, I was recently invited to address Mensa on the occasion of its annual dinner.
Mensa is the international society for the very bright – for those whose IQs are in the top 2 percent of humanity’s.
After my address and after the applause and [...]

IT’S ALL IN THE MIND I TELL YOU

 My psychiatrist, Bertie Amadeus Najinsky, insists that the mind controls the stomach. It is therefore important to maintain a well-run administration upstairs in the cranium. And, he says, one should never lose sight of a fundamental requisite to a healthy body – avoid mixing protein and carbohydrates.“Never,” he says, “eat meat with potatoes. Or cheese [...]

Be My Valentine – Just This Once

 Dear diary, Got up. Went excitedly down to mailbox, prized open rusted lid to find I had been inundated by a St Valentine’s Day card!Tried to remain calm by going into yoga position and doing deep breathing but found myself frenziedly tearing away envelope sending little bits of paper flying everywhere.
“WHO? WHO?” (Caught myself shouting [...]

Enclosed, one child, please find

   Dateline London – A plan to postcode children so that, if lost, they can be delivered home via the Post Office will be launched by Britain’s Royal Mail service. Parents place stickers carrying identification data into their children’s shoes. – UK report.
Dateline Johannesburg – A letter posted on February 29 1992 in Booysens was received [...]

Wine and how to live for ever

 David Sinclair, assistant professor of pathology at Harvard, says that he and fellow researchers have isolated in red wine and peanuts, molecules that appear to have life-extending effects. He hopes they will prove to prolong life not just in yeast but in multi­cellular organisms like worms, fruit flies and, perhaps, humans. Sinclair, whose study appears [...]

How to deal with Royalty

 Soon after South Africa adopted a universal franchise a number of British royals began visiting our new and, once-again respected country and I thought it a good idea to appraise readers of how to behave when meeting royalty. I sought advice from my friend, Lt-Col Sir John Chamberlayne-Arbuthnot, Bt., C.V.O., B.C., R.S.V.P., A.S.A.P.,  A.A., an expert [...]

James Bond – the truth

I saw an old James Bond movie on television recently and it reminded me of the words of the French director-general of La Securité Exterieure almost 20 years ago. He said, “Avez-vouz une bonne recette pour le poulette?” He added as an afterthought, “Aimez-vous le riz au lait?”  
Being a bit of a linguist, I knew immediately [...]

HER MAJESTY PAYS HER MAJESTY

  It was only in the 1990s that the Queen of England agreed to pay personal income tax – a formality she was neither familiar with nor particularly happy with. The visit by Nelson Mandela in 1996 prompted her to make special representations regarding a rebate.
To HM Inspector of Taxes
From HM Queen Elizabeth II
FOR YOUR [...]

WHEN LOVE IS IN THE EAR

  A small child wrote: “Everyone is a human bean.”
 Yes, that’s us – black, white; male, female; thick or thin – we are all simple human beans. It is a stunning truth told by a schoolchild.
Stunning? Well, as another child wrote:
“He was so stund, he just stud there.”
Those two gems were collected by teacher Joel [...]